Sleep experiment: Up all night?

I’m contemplating whether or not to begin my sleep re-adjustment program. The first step is to stay up all night in order to reset my sleep clock. I stay up until tomorrow night and then I get six hours of sleep. The idea is to get your body into the habit of sleeping deeply and efficiently. The theory goes that people think they need seven or more hours of sleep, but that is because they’re are not getting the best sleep possible. Staying up for twenty-one hours a day and eating in moderation forces the body and brain to use up energy stores and to become truly tired. It’s this true tiredness that allows the body to get fully restive sleep.

So right now it’s 1am and tomorrow I teach English to kids in the morning. I have to leave the house around 8:30 a.m. so that gives me something to stay up for and then I’ll just have to fight my way through half-a-day of teaching, an afternoon Kobe Beefcake (the T-shirt company I’m working on with my friend David) meeting, and the evening, then I can hit the sack a bit early tomorrow night. I’m at a friends’ house taking of their nocturnally active cat so that should help to keep me up. But I also just yawned so we’ll see. Falling asleep too late could make things worse because sometimes a little bit of sleep is worse than no sleep at all.

I’m a classic sleep monger with all the liabilities that come with a deep love and need for sleep. With no alarm clock set I can sleep almost forever and even with alarm set I often strike the snooze button repeatedly in a semi-daze that leaves me doubting two hours later when I finally do awaken, as to whether or not I ever did set the alarm clock at all. And I have a love/hate relationship with the greatest habit known to man, napping. At the most inopportune times- in seminar, when teaching English, while driving- I often get an irresistible urge to doze off, badly. Naps are wonderful but when they make you feel like a junkie who can’t quit the dope then they lose their fun. 

And now it’s 3 a.m. and I’m watching Sex and the City The Movie… What? Yeah, I’ve got more to say about that. But for now it’s time to get back to not sleeping.

Et tu, beer can English?

Engrish abounds on t-shirts and tupperware throughout Japan, but it used to be that you could count on the English copy written on beer cans to be cheesy but grammatically correct. For some reason the Japanese beer companies cared enough about the English on their beer cans to get it right. The can of Kirin Classic Lager- delicious, by the way- says ‘A time-honored recipe that delivers a rich, full-bodied lager. By no means inspiring, but nothing worse than what is written on a can of Budweiser. Sadly, the Japanese beer can is no longer an Engrish free zone. My Suntory Malt’s (let’s agree to ignore that apostrophe) Dark Bitter beer has the following copy written on it: ‘This beer has much bitter and mellow taste.One loves beer will be satisfied with  this taste.’ Punctuation and spacing as printed. Far from the most outrageous Engrish but Engrish nonetheless.

I don’t believe that the Japanese in general have declined in their English skill- most never get far enough to be able to decline. The shame is they no longer have the respect for themselves or the English language to hire someone to write their copy. What amazes me is how the anything written in English is cool attitude, coupled with a lack of any real respect for English continues and has even gotten worse. If you don’t know a language either don’t use it on your packaging or get a native speaker or someone fluent in that language to write the copy. Most Japanese can’t read and understand the copy anyway so why write it in English? Oh, I forgot. English is cool.

It’s unbelievable that it is 2008 and many Japanese still live with this weird worship mentality of the West left over from the Meiji era. It’s time to get English language education straightened out so that any Japanese person who studies English in junior high school, high school, and college can actually speak the language without freaking out at just having to introduce themselves in English. Yes, I was sometimes amazed when I saw my Japanese college classmates red pen and dictionary there way through poli-sci texts. But I also felt bad for them when they could barely make it through a conversation about the weather. This is getting old and it’s wasting the time of diligent Japanese students who should either be getting decent and effective English language education or move on to other things like learning about Japan’s own language and history.

Really, who cares what is written on a beer can other than the alcohol percentage, but still it was kind of sad to see the last ironic safe haven for English on Japanese packaging come to an end.

Project Clean Out: Report One

It’s going pretty well except for the fact that I procrastinated Monday by watching YouTube clips of the Actors Studio. Eight hours of James Lipton with his measured, pretentious tone and his long philtrum (the space between nose and upper lip) accentuated by the top half of his mustache being shaved. Still, hearing actors’ and actresses’ answer what is their favorite curse word is addictive.

New rule: No more YouTube. I’m tempted to make exceptions, but I must not. I mustn’t allow my life ruined by James Lipton’s evil looking upper lip.

As for the rest, I’ve managed to avoid podcasts, excessive viewing of tech websites, TV, and drinking at home. My email checking has been kept in check. In the morning, I’m not exercising or blogging as diligently as I should be but that will just take a small course correction.

I’ve been lazy about cooking but I am trying my best to eat lots of veggies and avoid junk food.

The next big thing I’m working on is a sleep methodology that will reduce the amount of sleep I need to around three to four hours a night. The book I’m reading (in Japanese) prescribes a two week program that will eventually allow me to function better than now on just half the sleep I seem to need now. This adventure will be chronicled on this blog, of course.

Thank you, Avril. I CAN do better.

With Project Clean Out on day two let me do some cleaning of another type. It’s time to clean out the bitches. Of course, if you know of my journey this past year across Desert No Punani, then you know that my list of bitches to clean out of my life is as short as .

I was out playing pool with a chick Thursday night. All started well as she sucks at billiards more than I do and I was doing the hand on her waist, let me get behind you to show you how to stroke the stick thing. Afterward, we went to an Italian standing bar and a few drinks and then on to the sofa of a more posh establishment. This is where things started to turn.

I’ve got my hand on her knee and she doesn’t seem to mind. She’s chatting away about work and friends in general and then a little about her ex-husband, then a little about a friend with benefits, then about a condom that came out of her wallet in front of her mom, then about some dude she’s been fucking on again, off again, and so on. Are you starting to get it? I try like drunk sailor in a rudderless dinghy to the shores of ’sleep with me’ with seemingly little luck.

But all does not seem lost. We step out and it’s raining and I have no umbrella and she does so I try to get her to walk me to place where I usually catch a cab home. She knows what I want and starts to give me the line about being sorry that she made me feel like she’d sleep with anyone. Yeah, anyone but ME. To top it off she leaves with the words let’s play pool again sometime. No, thank you. I don’t feel like having a cue rammed up my ass.

On the way home I stop into a Family Mart (a Japanese convenience store) to pick up a feeling sorry for myself beer and some snacks. On the radio the DJ announces an Avril Lavigne song. Great. Shoot me. For some reason she’s popular right now amongst the young and dumb Japanese girls. As usual the song is frighteningly catchy and disgustingly I find myself magnetized by its fake teen angst pop punk melody. Half way through the song I’m singing along in my head to the chorus… ‘I Can Do Better, I Can Do Better’.

Project Clean Out

I love to start things. My latest flash of brilliance is Operation? Mission? Project? Clean Out My Life. While reading ‘The Creative Habit’ by dancer and choreographer Twyla Tharp I decided to get rid of the things that were distracting me from my creative endeavors. I was spending many times more time consuming than I was producing my own things. I had become addicted to the political news, mac tech geekery, and funny talk written and podcasted by others and that was keeping me from doing my own writing, my own podcasting. I was spending hours a day listening to and living vicariously through podcasts such as Keith and The Girl, MacBreak Weekly, and This American Life. These are great shows done by talented and hard working people but where was my talent, my hard work? I was spending hours a day scouring the internet for just one more Apple product announcement or piece of shareware to download. Like the high from a hit of heroin these things were a comforting relief from the knowledge that I wasn’t doing anything. They even distracted me from loneliness. Reading ‘The Creative Habit’ made me see that creative production and success were not random inspirations that only a few creative geniuses were blessed with but are habits that each creative person has discovered, refined, and kept up with him or herself. I decided that I would discover my own creative habits by first getting rid of my bad, uncreative habits. So here’s what I have done and will do for the next month.

I have deleted all of my podcasts. I’m not swearing off of podcasts for the rest of my life but when I’ve deluded myself into thinking listening to podcasts is ‘me doing something’ then it’s time to take a break. After some time away from podcasts I’ll slowly ween myself back on to them by choosing the ones I really missed and the ones that give me source material for my creative activities.

I deleted most of my bookmarks. Especially the ones to do with technology. I’m not abandoning technology but my nibbling on tech/Mac rumors was much more like a gossip junkie’s need to hear the latest Britney Spears mishap, rather than a genuine interest in the information. I’m keeping news sources and blogs by other creators.

No more TV. An easy one for an internet junky like me but with my internet and podcast restrictions in place TV could easily become a source of relief from online withdrawal. I don’t want to replace one bad habit with another. I will watch movies though- especially the classics I have yet to see. And if I had cable I’d probably set aside time to watch The History Channel, Animal Planet, and Discovery.

Cook for myself. This is too much information but I have a serious running case of diarrhea and I’m hemorrhaging cash eating out all of the time. I have the ‘Joy of Cooking’ and the internet as resources so I should be able to get into the habit of preparing healthy and delicious meals for myself. No more convenience store bentos.

Along with the cooking I’ve decided I will no longer drink cheap or mass produced alcohol by myself at home. What I mean is no more Kirin beer after getting home and I’m going to limit my wine or sake drinking to when I’ve cooked a nice meal for myself. Don’t worry, I will go out for drinks with friends.

I have created a morning routine. I get up and do some quick exercises such as crunches or push ups and then I shower right away. No detouring to the Mac, no checking my iPhone. Then I eat breakfast. After this I finally turn on my computer to read the news and then blog. After blogging I finally check my email.

Basically, I will check my email only two to three times a day. If my iPhone buzzes or there is an email I am expecting then of course I’ll look but no more reactionary email checking.

I’m going to try to be in bed by twelve. And my bed will no longer be a place for reading. It is a place for sleeping, quietly, with no music or podcasts in the background. And there will be separation of spaces for what I do. I will do my writing and other work at my desk, and reading for pleasure and napping will be done on the office couch.

Finally, the philosophy behind all of this is to minimize consumption that takes away from my opportunities to contribute creatively. I’m not trying to be a Buddhist monk. Having fun is important but on my own terms and not based on habitual addictions. Other things I will do is listen to new kinds of music by unique and talented artists that aren’t from the music factory, get a turntable to actually sit down and listen to music, go to more museums and exhibitions, enjoy local cafes and restaurants rather than chains, find new hobbies and activities, finish my painting, and always be producing. Doesn’t have to be good, doesn’t have to be grand, it just has to come from me.

Real booty mirage

There must be something about Uniqlo and slacked ass because I was at the store and again I found myself staring at a pert pair of female buttocks except this time they belonged to a walking wiggling woman. Kamal (my camel companion on my metaphorical journey through the desert of getting none) and I whooped inaudibly for joy before realizing that fleeting real booty is little better than mannequin derrier.

Onward Kamal, but I still say few things rock more than the tight figure of a woman in a sharp pair of slacks.

My gaming machine of choice…

…is the iPhone. First, for the casual gamer like me it is much easier to pull my iPhone out of my pocket and start playing games. Second, for the casual gamer like me quick and easy games such as Morocco (Othello) and Cro-Mag Rally suit me better than the long involved games on a Playstation or an X-Box. Third, the iPhone is a serious gaming platform. The controls are unrivaled and the games look beautiful. And they are not all puzzle games and solitaire variants. There are serious titles like Spore, Star Wars The Force Unleashed, and even X-Plane- all of which I just purchased and am about to try out. Stay tune for my impressions. I don’t like paying for iPhone apps but these games are much cheaper than their console counterparts- even if they aren’t as long or as immersive.

I am listening to MacBreak Weekly as I type this and Leo LaPort has launched the Star Wars game with the theme song blasting. I can’t wait to get this post sent off and onto my iGaming.

Women or wine

Had a great time at the wedding party on Monday. It was a refreshingly informal Japanese party with little of the over planning and over-mceeing that often plague Japanese functions. The party was held at a 100 year-old Western style residence called the Guggenheim House and featured a nice spread of food and live violin playing rather than PA-ed music.

The highlight though, was the competition to guess which of the 18 wines featured was the most expensive. The groom is into wine in a serious way and had a beautiful collection of wines that included a 2nd growth Bordeaux and two wines from a region I love- Châteauneuf de Pape. One of the Châteauneufs was a 1989 Roger Foyer that I know well and rocks the house despite the fact it’s on the down side of the hill. The other was the famous Château Pegau. Not only was this the best of the wines, it was the most expensive. Of course, somehow despite my love I decided to guess that a 1989 Burgundy was the most expensive. The Burgundy was also damn good though.

So, yes, there were ladies. Some of them pretty cute and I did chat with them but I ended up enjoying the wine far more. So much for going to a wedding party to meet a nice lady.

The joy of creation

Once again behind in posting.

Spent much of today napping, eating overpriced delivery pizza and watching TV but also did writing for our upcoming fashion brand Kobe Beefcake’s website. Discovered that writing is fun and that I might not be a half bad comedy writer. The site is still a work in progress but you can check out the cute coming soon banner at www.kobebeefcake.com

Look forward to the beefcakey wonderfulness.

Back from Kyoto

Went to Kyoto to stay at friends’ house. Had a great time chatting, drinking and hanging with the 3 yr old and 8 months old kiddies. Describing good times with friends is sort of like telling those who weren’t there about the amazing time when you got smashed with buddies and puked over everything. ‘Yes, we get it. You had a good time. Now shut the fuck up because we’ve all been there.’ But there’s little that’s more adorable than a mom who scolds her child (the 3 year old boy) for the brilliant evil face he puts on and makes a wish at the shrine whose god specializes in children that her child will ‘become an angel’.

Tomorrow, wedding party. Wish me luck. You know what I mean.