What is love, and why are some people unable to find it? What is loneliness, and why does it hurt? What are relationships, and how and why do they work the way they do?
The preface of ‘A General Theory of Love’ begins with those questions. They are all questions asked frequently by any of us- several times a day by this love deprived blogger. But this book, written by three psychiatrists, elegantly meshes the sciences of psychiatry and biology with philosophy, literature, and even spirituality to try and answer these questions. It’s well written and I have little doubt that these doctors know what they are talking about on the science end, but what impresses me about this book is how poetic and human it is. Chapters have titles such as ‘The Heart’s Castle’ and ‘A Fiercer Sea’ and the book begins with a poem called the ‘The Secret’. Even the authors acknowledge that some readers will find it strange that a book about psychobiology begins with a poem but as the they firmly note ‘the adventure itself demands it’.
To me this melding of such an intangible yet important thing such as love with hard, cold observations and facts is such as vital endeavor. Perhaps because I am non-religious. Because I believe there doesn’t have to be God crouching hidden behind everything in order for something to be truly meaningful. For me, the wonder is that nature, evolution, the cosmos conspired in such a way to enable us to love so that we might better thrive. I don’t think the biology behind it takes away from love’s power. To reverse that, I don’t think God necessarily adds to the power of love.
The science behind love shouldn’t leave us cold or make us think love is simply a pedestrian mishmash of brain chemicals and physiological reactions that exists to promote procreation or survival of the species. Love as we live it, will always be a bit random, silly, magical, maddening, and saddening, but absolutely essential to our lives. That is why when the main character from a movie about sex, fashion, and girl talk says she came to the city to find love I don’t laugh.
October 14, 2008 at 8:18 pm
I’ll have to check out that book, it sounds great.